i still have this picture on my phone, a picture i took of my face after mish and i spent a lot of time rolling around and talking and having a good time. it’s a picture i took while he was gone to buy us food and to buy condoms and water. the light makes everything look slightly pinkish, my eye makeup has spread, and my lips are red and already swollen. and i look very happy. pleased with myself, maybe. secure, as though i’d finally found something i was looking for.